just let go and listen to the songs that make you stop and listen

Ten years. Three months. Three weeks and four days. That is, if you include this one. More than ten years ago you pulled a woman from the wreckage, her brittle bones crumbling away under your arduous weight. You never intended to survive but as it turns out fate has always ignored your pleas and preferences, as you did mine.

I, the wreck, sit silently in pensive nowhereness with wire airplanes and million-point stars dangling above my head, suspended by the unbreakable threads of my imagination. It shapes my reality, propelled by a force I can neither name nor explain, but which takes the shape of a you-shaped black hole right where my very being once was.

I am delving too deeply, going beyond the beyond, where I am able to breathe. The pressure makes my head swell and my ears burst with the pain of truth and speculation mixed forcibly into a poisonous concoction I would wish no one to drink. And when I finally reach the other side of your thoughts, where you sit alone and dead in a soulless sleep, I will bring you back from them. I will carry you from there and bring you back to here, if only I can ever understand.

Pardon me for all I have ever thought and dreamt and wished. All I ever wanted was for you to listen.